owls

I dont have the internet on my comp yet so i havent posted anything, but there are so many things that have been in rotation inside my head lately that have been really just getting me. im not really sure what im supposed to or allowed to say or not say in this blog so i guess ill get in to that crazy mind exploding stuff later. but yesterday i went to check out this movie in the rab building called dreams that money can buy. i think its amazing when things just tie together and how strange it was that it related exactly to what we saw in class, alexander calder's circus was refrenced. It was about looking inside of yourself to create things and how the heads of artists function in a way that allows them to see inside of other people and precieve things and tie things together in ways that other people wouldnt understand. all about subconcious thought and inner dreams of the seemingly normal, with these dreamlike scenarios. The coolest thing about it was how it was a very old movie, in black and white and the dreams were accompanied with an orchestra in that dramatic flowly sound that reminds you of little kid times, that gave it a sad and serious feeling the entire time. I liked how creepy it became in some parts, where the background was just black, and how their was hardly any dialogue that was outside of people's heads. It was just all about being inside peoples heads and how in there, anything is possible no matter how strange or bizzarre, and even the ending was the way it should have been, ending in a very striking loaded way that was just truth. With this film, it is whatever you make out of it after the beginning concept is explained, since the scenarios are so abstracted which i think is awesome because it ties in with the same idea that everyones head is different and our preceptions of things are different based on how we are inside and what we choose to tie the images and things that happen in the film to, i thought this related to a lot of what we have been saying in class. i dont know i would jus reccommend this movie to anyone.
i wonder if this movie had any effect on dreams i had last night. all summer i wanted to go rollerblading really late at night time but i didnt have roller blades. then i went to this rummage sale and found my precious gems. so last night i had a dream that i was roller blading down the halls of school, and thats something ive always wanted to do because ah man just think about how smooth and just perfect that entire thing would be. But then in the dream i left them by accident somewhere and when i came back they werent there. there were so many random people in this dream that i know that it is just scary...why are they there? and its funny how they will never know that they were actually in my dream. when i went back there were all these other rollerblades but they were all being sold for a lot of money and i couldnt even find mine. I was so upset in this dream. at one point i dont even know why there was this lady who was standing very close to me with a baby in her hands wrapped up in a blanket which im thinking is the snoopy pillow cloth. the baby seemed like it would just be a blob baby but then it really started talking in a real serious sad voice. And i saw how the lady reacted to it and held it and kissed it and in this dream i just had all of these feelings. some dreams are just pictures but i felt such strong emotion in this dream and thats why i remember everything about it. and i just felt like i wanted to help it and have what the lady had and thats just weird because why would i care about someone elses baby when i never even liked babies in the first place. i actually reached out and touched it and talked to it and said that it was was a beautiful baby and now that i think of it i can just relate everrything in this dream to so many things that i feel lately. and i feel like i know who the baby symbolizes in my life and what everything else really means based on the things i feel when im awake. i think this is a long post but i dont know what youre supposed to do in a blog and i also feel very strange posting things about myself in a blog. i guess i will just stop now and try to get in to the room that i am locked out of and taht is why i am here anyway. i dont know. lately i have just been taking things as they come and trying to accept the world and that is exactly why i am just feeling so bad because i dont feel the way the world is is how it really should be and i dont want to accept that it is really real when i know living could be so much better. ok im going to go now and ill write more about that stuff later