dont worry

My bone project was a good time. At the beginning i remember wondering how it was all going to come together, especially since i could see it in my head exactly, and it was just about bringing it to life. I love doing that stuff. When you see things in your mind and you just become a slave to them, you need to get them out of there, make them real, or else they will drive you comepletely insane dancing around in your head trying to be born. I remember when i was struggling thinking, man how am i going to make this look like the bone? And then, once i realized the whole purpose of my project, that i should focus more on what i see the bone being in my head, than the bone itself. Once i did that, it was easy to see how the simple form that represented the bone would morph in to what i wanted it to be in a couple steps. In the bone, i orginally saw a face, that hole of course being the eye, and then there is a tiny pointed nose, and the two archs being its arms. after making the armachure haha oh geez spelling i plastered him and used the structalite plaster since there was no white plaster, and it actually turned out much better, the texture tieing directly in to my idea of self destructive behavior. There are many reasons why i decided to make my bone in to something modelling self destructive behavior, and i have just been so interested in that whole idea, in behaviors, and why your brain makes you do what you do, and how i feel that you and your mind are completely seperate things, and in a way you are just a slave to do whatever it decides. And everyone behaves that way, some people more drastically than others, but i think it is so incredibly stupid how much we try to polish ourselves to fit in to society and to cling on to the idea of normality, forcing any strange behaviors that are mind does to be hidden and make us feel like we are flawed. Everyone has something like that. In their secret time by themselves, or even out in the open. It doesnt have to be a physical action it could be anything, and a little bit of it is in EVERYONE, even if they dont see it. Its how we as humans deal with the overwhelming idea of just existing and just having our own identities. That image of my sculpture, sums up so many different feelings and ideas that i have about myself,existence,the entire world, identities, and behavior in general. I think it is completely insane that i am a real person in the world, and ive just been thinking so many amazing things that i just want everyone to think about and see, because i feel like all of these things are the hidden things that no one wants to think or even talk about because they are the most real things in the entire world, and thats why they are hidden because they are so scary. Basically, i feel like the whole entire world, relationships, existence, is complete bullshit and completely fake. You dont see life as a whole until you expose these things and make an effort to understand them instead of denying them like everyone else does. and the crazy thing is, is that when you see these things instead of hiding them, you really see life, existence, in the bigger picture, and it is so fucking scary because you realize that nothing really exists. In saying that, youre probably thinking, what the hell is wrong with this kid? But it makes perfect sense to me. There is nothing you can do, make, that will last forever. You are temporary, you are not even real. The whole world is crazy. Existence is a secret and no one knows the answer. My sculpture just shows how i feel about everything and that there is no real point in anything at all. that sounds horrible, but its really not. If YOU Dont matter, and if YOU dont "exist" well then do what matters to you, do what feels correct to YOU, and that is how you maximize the whole idea of your own existence and become the closest thing to what you really ARE, and thats why i feel art is the most important thing in the entire world, because its the only thing that allows you to visually SEE whats inside yourself and what your mind really is.